Undead and Unsure by MaryJanice Davidson

Synopsis: It's no surprise to Betsy that her trip to Hell with her sister Laura landed them in hot water. Betsy isn't exactly sorry she killed the Devil but it's put Laura in a damnable position: assuming the role of Satan (she may not have the training but she looks great in red)—and in charge of billions of souls as she moves up in the world. Or is that down?
But Betsy herself is in an odd new position as well—that of being a responsible monarch suddenly in charge of all things more earth-bound: like her vampire husband Sinclair who has gone from relieved to ecstatic to downright reckless now that he can tolerate sunlight. And if Sinclair isn't enough to contend with, Betsy's best friend Jessica is in her sixth (and hopefully last) trimester. Considering she's been pregnant for eighteen months, she's become a veritable encyclopedia of what not to expect when you're expecting. Oh, the horror…
And speaking of growing pains, Betsy and Sinclair's adopted little BabyJon is finally starting to walk. And if the increasingly unpredictable toddler is anything like his extended family, precisely where he's headed is anyone's guess.


Disclaimer: Typically in one of my reviews you'll see sections highlighting the good things and also highlighting the bad. In this review, however, you'll only see the bad as that is my entire opinion of this book and I refuse to waste any more of my precious time on this book to even write a decent review. So without further ado....

What I Think: I  finally finished Undead and Unsure by MaryJanice Davidson after slogging through it for ages! Horrible horrible. Scattered vague plot....actually not really a plot but more of a day in the life of an idiot that is Queen Betsy. Add in an author's rant about backyard chicken raising and beekeeping, insulting the entire Mormon religion and flipping around at the end to include bible scriptures in a book that neeeeeeeever should have them and you've got one irritated Christina! Not to mention she took a brooding, part time douche-canoe named Sink-lair (who I actually kind of liked) and turned him into a flower frolicking Forest Gump! AAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNDDDDDD FIIIIIIIIINALLY we get to the part where we know what the plot is....in the last TWO FREAKING CHAPTERS! A waste of time. A waste of natural resources to print it. A waste of a series that was once fun and and fresh. UGH!

Return to Sender by Fern Michaels

Synopsis: At seventeen, Rosalind “Lin” Townsend finds herself pregnant and alone. Her father, deeply religious yet cruel, throws her out of the house. Nick Pemberton, her baby’s father and the man she naively hoped might marry her, rejects her. Yet even at the lowest point in her life, Lin vows to succeed on her own terms, and to give her son, Will, all the love and happiness she’s been denied.

Nineteen years later, Lin has made good on her promises. She’s the owner of a thriving diner in her Georgia hometown, and Will has grown into a fine, intelligent young man who’s about to start his freshman year and NYU. But when Lin visits New York with Will, she crosses paths with the one man she was sure she’d never see again -- Nick Pemberton, now a millionaire CEO, the man who sent back all her letters unopened, marked “Return to Sender.” Seeing him fills Lin with anger -- and she resolves to right the wrong he did to Will.

Helped by Jason, a hired detective, and her best friend, Sally, Lin sets out to disrupt Nick’s life and his finances, with spectacular results. But the truth is more complex and surprising than she imagined. And soon Lin must choose -- between the revenge she thought would free her, and the bright new future that’s about to be delivered to her door...

My Thoughts: (and boy do I have some.) First of all this is not a romance as the romantic elements are not introduced into 2/3 of the way through book. Once introduced they are mild and secondary to the primary plot of a woman scorned who wants revenge on her son's dead beat dad. So I would classify this more as women's fiction. Second, we readers have to suspend our disbelief that *A)a girl who found herself pregnant at a young age would have no financial/food stamp/child support  assistance from anywhere...B)would have been allowed to go to school with urine soaked pants day after day without a teacher calling in Social Services...C)this woman managed to build a backwoods diner into a thriving business in a matter of a few years making her extremely wealthy...and D)She kept every single letter she sent to her baby's daddy (all returned unopened Return to Sender) without actually looking at the Return to Sender Stamp on the envelope for 19 years. 
*Keep in mind that this was in 1989....not 1949.

If you can believe all of this you might be able to enjoy this book. However, I couldn't. Lin is made out to be a strong selfless woman who pulled herself out of the hopeless situation she found herself in to be able to provide the kind of life her son deserved yet is completely consumed by the need for revenge upon learning that her baby's daddy donated millions to a charity. Knowing that he was able to drop so much money on strangers but never sent a dime for his son's care sent her on a mission to ruin that man's life. I for one can't empathize with such a woman. 

As I am character driven in the books I read my inability to connect with Lin (or even like her for that matter) and believe her storyline made this book a complete dud for me. If you factor in the sub par romance it makes it even worse.

Fern Michaels has written something like 100+ books and I'm sure she has some great ones and I can't fault her writing....much. The only downside of it was on a couple occasions she repeated entire pages (which was not a publishing oops by the way.) For example...Lin told a back story on what her father did to her. We readers got the whole story as she told her friend. Then she went and told someone else the same story. Instead of Michaels saying something to the effect of "and so she began her story for the second time" and leaving it at that she actually repeated word for word the entire thing. This happened twice and was completely unnecessary as readers, in general, are not stupid. 

Other than that her style is pleasing to read and I will definitely read more by her based on that fact alone. But as far as this book goes I really didn't like it at all.

Let Love Find You by Johanna Lindsey

Synopsis: London society has its very own Cupid. Renowned horse breeder and occasional matchmaker Devin Baldwin pairs eligible young ladies with suitable gentlemen based on his theory of animal magnetism. Unafraid of ruffling the ton’s feathers, this darkly handsome Cupid doles out tips for bettering one’s chances of meeting a mate that are as pointed as the love legend’s sharpest arrows!

Lovely Amanda Locke, the daughter of a duke, is everything a nobleman could desire, yet she enters her third Season still searching for a match. Gossipmongers’ tongues are wagging, and her mystified family is considering drastic measures to find her a husband. But the insufferable advice of this Cupid fellow is the last thing Amanda wants.

When an earl passionate about horses becomes the target of her husband hunt, Amanda knows it’s time to overcome her fear of riding. With her sister-in-law Ophelia hastening the romance along by arranging riding lessons, Amanda is soon taking instruction from infuriating Devin Baldwin. Astonishingly, in her daily encounters with Devin—who treats her as an ordinary young woman, not a prize to be won at the marriage mart—Amanda experiences passion for the first time. Now, her search for a match takes her in an unexpected direction as she finds herself falling in love with Cupid himself.


My Thoughts: I'm seriously wondering if Johanna Lindsey actually was the author of this book or if it is the work of a ghostwriter. The heroine was annoying and self centered and the hero was bland. They had no chemistry together. Some of the writing seemed really clunky to the point I had to re-read a paragraph to understand what was said.The writing was horribly repetitious. There were 2 sub-par sex scenes towards the end of the book that added virtually nothing to the book. If that wasn't bad enough the book had similarities to one of my favorite JL books Man of My Dreams which is quite upsetting. Man of My Dreams has a horse breeder named Devlin.Let Love Find You has a horse breeder named Devin. Really Johanna, really?

Amanda talked in exclamation points and thought in exclamation points. It was completely ridiculous. At one point I realized I was cringing when I saw yet another exclamation point and at another point I realized I was actually counting them. In 15 pages there were over 30 exclamation points. When you start counting punctuation marks while reading a book, you know there are problems.

In addition to the unbelievable amount of exclamation points Amanda's favorite word was a'tall which she used alllll the time. As in “It’s different here, not a’tall like at home in the country, where I’ve got so much to occupy me.” . I've not read a book set in this time period (which I imagine is regency or there abouts) that had as many slang words. A few of the characters used the word aint. And they weren't even commoners. Speaking of words that I'm not used to reading in historical romances I also found it odd that almost everyone had a nickname. Amanda was Mandy. Rebecca was Becky. Ophelia was either Pheli or Phelia. I know it wasn't unheard of but it felt jarring and untrue to the period.

The plot was horrible too. Through more than half the book it appeared that Amanda's search for a husband was the entire plot. After half the book suddenly a new plot device was introduced which was completely underwhelming and not fully realized.

I've read most everything Johanna Lindsey has written and found I loved some but disliked others. This book went beyond dislike. I truly hated it.

Here are a few quotes that I feel show why I dislike the characters and this book so much....in paranthesis I've made a few comments about the quotes....

Amanda sighed. "I have so many, too many really, choices of men to pick from. It's just becoming a bit difficult to sort them all out."
(said the self centered egotistical twit)

Amanda hurried away, not sure what about that old dame annoyed her. But really, Amanda already knew Farrell, considered him somewhat a friend, but for a matchmaker to recommend to her a second son with no prospects? The woman had to be going batty in her advanced years.
(thought the self centered egotistical twit who planned to marry for love but apparently only if that love was not with a second son)

Devin knew that daring Amanda to tackle riding lessons had been a long shot. A man would accept the challenge, a woman would find numerous excuses to decline it.
(thought the man who appears to be more of a male chauvinist pig than a hero)

"As for Robert," Amanda added with a grin,"if I'm not at least a little cold to him because of his near scandal, he won't be repentant enough to make sure it never happens again."
"Sound reasoning, I suppose," Preston allowed.
"Perfect reasoning," Julie agreed...
(because a disproving frown from a proper young lady can change the behavior of a womanizing man....)

Undead and Unstable by MaryJanice Davidson

Synopsis: Betsy's heartbroken over her friend Marc's death, but at least his sacrifice should change the future--her future--for the better.  But it's not as if Betsy's next few hundred years will be perfect.  After all, her half sister, Laura, is the Antichrist, Laura's mother is Satan, and family gatherings will always be more than a little awkward.

What's really bothering Betsy is that ever since she and Laura returned from visiting her mom in hell, Laura's been acting increasingly peculiar.  Maybe it's Laura's new job offer: Satan's replacement down under.  Unfortunately, the position comes at a damnable price: killing Betsy, her own flesh and blood.

Over Betsy's dead body.  And for that matter, Marc's, too, since he's not quite as buried as everyone thought.  Now a war has been waged--one that's going to take sibling rivalry to a whole new level and a dimension where only one sister can survive.


My Review: I'm officially done with Betsy. Her constant ignorant chatter and her inability to concentrate was annoying but to have everyone in her life call her stupid or remind her that she's easily distracted by shiny things is beyond palatable. She thinks she's as dumb as a box of rocks. Her friends think she is as dumb as a box of rocks. Her husband thinks stuff too but loves her anyway. Not only has Betsy not grown over the course of 11 books it is apparent that she is sliding backwards. If Betsy was this stupid in book 1 I never would have read book 2.

The actual storyline was all of 3 chapters scattered throughout the book. The rest was filler where Betsy drinks smoothies or semi-mourns her cat or gets chased by dogs or gets arrested. None of which is actually pertinent to the plot.

The time traveling aspect is just silly as there are some events that were altered for the sake of humor but for the life of me I can't figure out how they happened. Nick is now Dick and throughout the book (and the last one) Betsy calls him D/Nick or Nickie-Dickie or some other annoying name. I have no idea how Betsy's visit to the past could have changed one of the character's names but having her repeatedly calling Nick, De-Nick annoyed me.

The writing itself seems chaotic. It's written from Betsy's perspective which is just awful. As I mentioned earlier she is easily distracted by shiny things so her mind wanders. We, as readers, are unfortunate to get to read about how she wonders what hair products so and so uses while that character is talking to her. In addition to this, one chapter opens up with something along the lines of 'and that is how I got arrested' but the end of the chapter before that had nothing to do with being arrested. The explanation of her arrest and the actions leading up to it are explained after the opening of that chapter.




In addition to this the book is not friendly to new readers. You cannot pick up this book and read it without having read any other Betsy Taylor books. Things are reviewed at the beginning of the book on what has happened thus far in books 1-10 but I found some things were not explained. For example why does Betsy call Satan Lena Olin? A new reader wouldn't know and it's not explained.

So, because of the lack of growth on Betsy's part, the lack of a decent plot, the fact that the book is trying to be funny to the point it isn't and the chaos like writing I doubt I will ever pick up another Queen Betsy book.

Shadow Bear by Cassie Edwards

(warning: if you want to read this book in the future and don't want it to be spoiled for you I wouldn't read much of my review because I am going to spell out the entire plot for you.....it's my way of saving you. Trust me.)

Synopsis: South Dakota 1850. Before he died from the Indian arrow that pierced his body while he was hunting gold outside Fort Chance, Shiona Bramlett's father, the colonel, revealed a shocking secret. Now, armed only with her father's map and her courage, she's determined to honor him-and to fulfill her own destiny.
After a fierce prairie fire, Shadow Bear, Chief of the Grey Owl Band of the Lakota tribe, is desperately looking for his missing brother Silent Arrow. His search leads him to a beautiful woman in desperate need of help. Shadow Bear loathes the white man-but he cannot help but protect her. With a passion that is undeniable, they must learn to put their mistrust aside and share their secrets before all is lost.

My Thoughts: Hmmmmm after reading this book I have been trying to come up with something I liked about it and failed miserably. After 20 hours of thinking I just gave up. I might have decided this particular book was going to be bad before I started but as I was doing a challenge this month in which I had to read a Cassie Edwards book I stopped at my local library and grabbed one off the shelf. I purposely chose one not in her Savage series because in many years when I think back on the book I read of her's I didn't want to struggle with trying to come up with a Savage Something name. So, did I decide this book was going to be bad before starting. Yes. Did I still give it a go. Yes. Did I roll my eyes and throw my hands up in the air shouting ARGH! repeatedly? Yes. So without further ado let me tell you what I didn't like about this book....

The Characters--Ms Edwards has managed to write some of the most boring characters I have ever read about. Her descriptive words to explain said characters consisted of tiny, golden haired and violet eyed (Shiona) and dark eyed and long flowing black hair (Shadow Bear). Personality wise they were milk-toast. After losing her mother and brother in the same day Shiona did make a statement which lead us to believe she just might have a backbone yet when she needed one it seemed to have disappeared. Shadow Bear was not much better. I don't think I've ever read a book featuring an "Indian" who managed to lose his woman because he circled around his enemy too far ending up a bit lost and thrown from his horse in the process.

The Romance--What romance? 'You're my woman!' 'I would love nothing more than to be your woman!' 'Now I'll put my manhood into your warm wet place!' Ok none of that was actually said....except maybe the You're my woman part but you get the idea. Oh and typical of Edwards writing they fell madly in love in a day.

The Plot--What a crazy series of events for poor Shiona. First she and her brother leave their mother riding a stagecoach on the way to Missouri to go fetch the gold their father stashed in a cave nearby only to find that as soon as they separated their mother is murdered by an unknown assailant possibly an Indian because of the arrow embedded in their mother's chest. Oh No! First their father (see the synopsis above....father never manages to be in this book as he is dead and buried before the beginning) and now their mother. Shiona and her brother bury their mother and set off once again for that cave. But wait! There is a storm brewing and they could get struck by lightning! Whew! They managed to make it to the cave, gather firewood and eat some nutritious grapes (the biggest Shiona has ever seen!) that happened to be growing outside the cave. Shiona settles the horses into the back of the cave and comes back to the fire only to find her brother is not in the cave. Oh No! Oh wait there he is stumbling into the cave and falling onto the floor with (gasp!) and arrow in his chest. Somehow her idiot brother stepped out of the cave into a storm for just long enough to get killed by the same murderer(s) who killed their mother! Because neither one of them was smart enough to realize that maybe if they were taking shelter from the storm maybe the killer(s) did too. So Shiona then buried her brother in the cave. Outside the cave a raging inferno is blazing across the plain because of lightning. Once the rain put it out Shiona realized she is ill. But she never gets ill! Her parents and even the doctor who took care of her have always been amazed at her health and strength. She may be tiny but she is strong, like bull. While suffering from a near fatal fever she manages to save an indian brave Silent Arrow who (queue the ominous music) was shot with the same kind of arrow Shiona's family was. Silent Arrow makes it back to his tribe and his brother chief (Shadow Bear) and before fading into a long sleep manages to utter the simple word "Shiona". Shadow Bear after having been urged by his grandmother and her visions, he finds the cave and brings Shiona back to his people. And they lived happily ever after.

Ok no there was more but by reliving this book a sharp pencil in the eye is sounding better and better. Just know that there was so much going on in the plot that I'm surprised Ms Edwards has any ideas for anything else.

The Action--With a fire and a murder you would think that there would be action a plenty. Not so much. After being forewarned about the fire by his vision getting grandma Shadow Bear has his people dig trenches around the village to save them all. And it works. It worked so well that very little of the fire is even mentioned. No Indian Braves courageously battling flames as the fire roared towards their village and no animals stampeding across the plain to escape certain death. Other than a two line mention of two scorched tepees it was rather anti-climactic.

But what about Shiona's happily ever after? Well kiddies it was touch and go for a while. After Shiona finally found happiness (this was Shiona's thought after losing her family and all) with Shadow Bear she had to leave to save herself from the evil murderer. Oh how poor Shiona cried. She was just getting over the loss of her family and now this. Oh did I mention that because of her fever induced coma sleep she theoretically lost her mother and brother then fell in love the next day? Actually the timeline was more like this buried mother/brother on Monday, coma sleep Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday, Fell in Love on Saturday!

Oh but the murderer! Now there was a twist. Not one...but two possibilities of whodunnit. OMG what a dilemma! Either one could have done it! They were both horrible men so Cassie, please just kill them both that way justice will be done. Poof! Baddies gone. Shiona, poor orphaned Shiona has now found happiness amongst the Lakota tribe despite that they hate whities.

Final Thoughts (that may take another several paragraphs)--To make it more authentic the author has peppered her work with words that I am assuming to be Lakota. Unfortunately, even though she used the same words over and over again (brother, grandmother, grandson etc) she didn't include a glossary or quick guide. Instead she used the explanation during dialogue. For example if Shadow Bear was addressing his grandmother he would say "It is good to see you Unci grandmother." I already took the book back to the library so I don't actually have it for reference but google said Unci is Grandmother (on the mother's side). So anyway, essentially (here is where my anal personality comes out) Shadow Bear is saying "It is good to see you Grandmother Grandmother." This was through the entire book.

On a positive note (yes there is one) this was a quick read. The paperback book's font was large and there was barely 300 pages. The book itself was kind of mind candy. Not the good kind of candy though. If you have a bag of assorted jelly beans and eat most of them and realize you only have the gross black ones left....this book is the black licorice jelly beans. Now don't get all mad if you happen to like those....some of you might. You might also like this book. No accounting for taste is there (just kidding.)

Oh and there is a reason for my irritating and irrational use of exclamation points! Ms Cassie Edwards Loves Exclamation Points!!!!! They are used a lot. Not even when a character is shouting. I don't recall any exclamation points used during dialogue actually. They were all used during the times that the characters were having internal dialogue. So weird!

My rating--  One cup of coffee (exclamation point point!!)

Kiss Me Deadly by Michele Hauf

Synopsis:
Kiss Me Deadly - Bewitching the Dark, Bk 2 - Silhouette Nocturne, No 24
Death cocktail is what the vampires call a witch's blood. It's poisonous -- a drop will destroy a vampire within minutes. Nikolaus Drake is the rare vampire who has survived his first taste. Now he's on the hunt for the witch who almost brought him to his demise -- Ravin Crosse. — A witch who spends her nights hunting vampire tribes, Ravin has three obligations to fulfill to set her soul free. One of those obligations -- crafting a love spell -- twists her world upside down when Nikolaus draws the spell from her veins. Natural enemies rarely make the best bedfellows -- but is it possible their intentions are really, truly the same? Can Nikolaus's tribal loyalty survive if he surrenders to desires far darker than his own?

My Thoughts:
This was the first book that I read by Michele Hauf and I really wanted to like it but honestly it wasn't that good. 


What I liked.....Witches and Vampires are mortal enemies and even one drop of witches blood can reduce a vampire to ash. So witches totally kick vampire butt! 
.....Satan (or Himself as he is called in the book) appears in the form of the one you most desire/love (makes for interesting conversations.)
....and that's about all I liked about this book...oh except *****SPOILER*****when Nikolaus and Ravin were playing a weird Do You Trust Me game on the rooftop and the love spell wears off Nikolaus drops Ravin off the building. I thought that was pretty cool*****END OF SPOILER*****


What I disliked....Ravin hates vampires but jumps into having sex with one that wants to kill her (or he will want to once the love potion wears off) despite her verbal "I do not want you"s. I got tired of the war yet the result of her going all soft on him knowing he was only under a potion almost put her into the TSTL category.
...Actually I just really hated Ravin. For centuries she has been massacring vampires based on a traumatic event in her childhood...mostly because she could and because vampires are all evil. Her prejudice overwhelms her character.
....Nikolaus is a vampire created in the 70s (I am pretty sure it's the 70's) yet he is the head of his tribe despite there being other vampires who are more powerful and centuries old. He is a baby compared to others.
...Ok I actually hated Nikolaus completely too. Because of the love potion he couldn't think of anything other than sex with Ravin. He talked a lot about this. He did a lot of this. He wanted to do a lot more of it too. I was under the impression that it was a "LOVE" potion. Not  a "Do Me" Sex Potion. Of course he did tell her he loved her while trying to get into her pants and even said it afterwards too so it must be true. 
....Oh and Ravin trying to earn her soul back from the devil....an important part in the continuation of the story in possible sequels but not very well played out. I think that if this particular part of the storyline was hit harder and used to it's fullest the story would have held more promise. As it is there are 3 different storylines competing within this book. It made the book feel scattered.
.....Apparently vampires like to count. It's rather like an obsession.  I read a review that said they loved this little shout out to Sesame Street and the Counting Count but I found it ridiculous of mass proportions. If the rest of the book had quirky character traits or tongue in cheek humor it would have been fine but it came out of nowhere and was completely out of place.
....The ending. Yes the characters got their happily ever after (even though I was routing for Himself to burn them in a pit of fire for eternity) but the author opens the storyline up for a sequel based on Ravin and Nikolaus's child whose soul has been pre-ordered and paid for by Himself in the future. How's that conversation going to go? "Hey son, you know your mom and I love you and this in no way is your fault but....well, we sold your soul to Satan and Himself will be here to collect in *Ding-Dong* um....now."

Killer Cowboy Charm by Vicki Lewis Thompson

Ugh. That about sums it up. I have read several of Vicki Lewis Thompson's book prior to picking this one up and enjoyed them quite a bit. I thought that this one would be good too. After all, I like what I have read by her. I love a cowboy story. What could go wrong? Let me tell you....

So Meg is a co-host of a morning talk show reminiscent of Regis and Kelly (Kelly by the way is VLT's inspiration for Meg per her intro for the book) and while engaging in the usual banter with Mel while on air mentioned that she needed to find herself a hot cowboy. Her producer thought that was a fab idea and so off Meg goes on a 2 week tour of 7 states holding tryouts for the hottest cowboy.

Her first stop is Arizona where Clint Walker is the foreman. Clint just wants to run the ranch. He has no interest in TV what-so-ever. He does find himself interested in a tempting TV personality though. Which works out fine because Meg thinks Clint is the hottest cowboy ever.

My thoughts...
Meg is an aggressive woman who knows what she wants and plans to get it. She wants Clint. Clint is all too happy to accommodate. I have no problem with assertive women but to me she was beyond that and it made her look a little ugly.

The bulk of the book (if you can call a book with just a little over 200 pages bulk) takes place in the 2 days Meg is on the Ranch with Clint. During which time they engage in hot monkey sex repeatedly but little else. There was no romance and very little talking. When Meg tries to convince Clint to try out for the hottest cowboy contest even though he has told her he wasn't interested his feelings get hurt because he doesn't think she knows him at all. Really? You think?

Ugh...I have spent more time with my dentist over the years then this couple had together and yet....they are in love. Meg's departure from the ranch made both of them sad pandas and after a 2 week separation they reunite and as the violins sang they declared their love for one another. Ok...just kidding about the violins but still...you get the idea.

I can't recommend this book to anyone even one who likes short romances because although this is short there was little to no romance in the book. A lot of sex but very little romance.